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Why don’t they just learn French or Latin? Those are real languages, with real books written in them. Seriously, why don’t they just have a fucking Department of Literature? Nobody wants to major in Grammar and the Song of Roland. Besides, all they talk about is post-post-feminist politics and the Third World anyway. It’s all Social Science for Retards. **** I look at myself in the mirror. Do I like what I see? Oddly, yes. It’s sickening to admit, but sometimes I’m a bit entranced with myself. It’s ridiculous, no one else is. I’m a solipsist, yes. But why not? Is anyone else falling over their heels to love me? I’m a bit of a munchkin. I’m too short, I suppose. But I really do love the face I have. It’s round, pale, innocent. I wear heavy glasses, I have little piggy eyes. It’s a 19th Century face, Victorian, not the perky, fake, plastic face the world wants you to wear today, a face so frozen it’s not even capable of a sneer, let alone a sincere smile. And you think I’m hateful, but. "I'm just curious. You haven't hung out with Trish in years, now all of the sudden you're spending two weekends in a row at her place," I explained. "Ugh, I just want to spend some girl time with a friend," she groaned. "I know, and that’s ok. Are any guys going to be spending the night there?" I asked. "No, why would you even ask that?" she scoffed, growing more frustrated. "I thought I heard a man's voice in the background when I called you last weekend," I replied "A few guy friends of hers came over after we ran into them at the club," She explained. "So, there were guys staying there?" I asked again, catching her in a lie. "I think some of them spent the night, but why does it matter?" she asked, "she has plenty of bedrooms." "I'm not really comfortable with you spending the night in a house full guys after a drunken night out at the club," I explained. "There's nothing I can do about that! I'm not going to tell Trish she can't have anyone else at her house!" she replied,.
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