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I clicked on the message and all it said was. "Remember me?" I said out loud to myself, "Nigel, Nigel, Nigel, my first kiss. How could I forget you?"We were both twelve years old and innocent. Both of us were shy, but Nigel was shyer than I was. We hung around together at school, but he lived in town and I lived on a sheep station in the country. He was really cute. His blonde hair and blue eyes about drove me crazy. I was at the age of puberty and my hormones were going crazy. I imagined Nigel's were also. But with both of us being shy, we had to suffer the entire school year.A week before school was out Nigel told me his father was offered a good job and his family was moving to Adelaide. That was over 2,000 kilometres away and. I felt like I was hit with a ton of bricks. All my fantasies and dreams of Nigel and I being together were not going to happen. That last week of school was difficult for both of us. We were good friends and I had hoped we would be lovers when we got older.. . at least, I've taken a long, hard look inside and I don't believe I am.What if someone reads this? What if Nick reads this? Holy crap, Nick, are you reading this, baby? I can picture it so clearly; I left this thing lying open, or you went looking in my drawer for my keys, or any one of a million other things that could put this in your hands. Maybe I got killed at work and you're sifting through my stuff, trying to make sense of the insensible, and this is what you find! Now I feel like an utter turd; part of me wants to tear out this page and burn the fucking thing.But I have to go on. I have to. Nick, baby, if you are reading this then please keep an open mind. Know that I love you. Always have, always will. Nothing has changed there. But there is something new; something inside me that I have to deal with and it doesn't affect the way I love you. I'm not trying to make something happen with Susan, but if it did – and I know you probably won't believe this – then it might.
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