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Again I felt pleasure under that touch, and this meant more fluids formingin my insides. Maybe she was worried for my suffering, or perhaps shebelieved this way I would reach an orgasm during the rape. I decided totry it that evening and, indeed, his penetration was more swift, and itreally did hurt less, I could even feel some pleasure, but no orgasm. Theshame, however, increased. I was assisting in my own rape.This routine continued, until one day, when she removed the cylinder, itcame covered in blood again. It was my period. She looked disappointed.Obviously I was not pregnant yet. Surprisingly, they allowed me to restduring the time I was bleeding and even two days after. They probablydidn't want to "waste" semen, when I was obviously not fertile. Reflectingabout this I realized they were doing this not as a form of torture, butsimply as a job. Particularly he was not doing this out of pleasure,otherwise he would rape me regardless of my fertility state.After this break, they. Add some earrings and a necklace, sheer lip gloss, slide on my flip flops, and I was out the door. As I drove to the lake where we were going to meet, I reminded myself that I was going to be a “good” girl tonight…well, as good a girl as I could be without actually having sex. I mean, we were meeting at the lake. Even though it was dark, I certainly was not about to get it on in public. I’m not the kind of girl who has ever had sex in a car and I was not planning to start now. We were just going to walk and talk for a bit and then maybe I would tease him a little in the car. That’s it. Nothing more. Seriously. I pulled into the parking lot and was surprised that so many cars were there at that late hour. But it was an unusually warm evening for New England, so I guess everyone was taking advantage of the 70 degree temperature. Through the windshield I could see Kevin approaching my car and I popped the lock so he could climb in the passenger seat. We exchanged a kiss and hug and I.
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