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I had felt such feelings with my husband, but this was different. It didn't have all the emotional baggage of my husband attached. "It's beautiful, Ky. Now what do we do with it?" "You know, that's funny, because I had all these fantasies about what I would do with you, but now that I have it on, I feel a sense of responsibility or something. I want to please you with it, but I don't know what pleases you. This must be what guys feel. What do you like to do with a cock?" "Kyra, you know that I've only ever been with my husband. It's never been a case of what I want to do with it. He's always been kind of... I guess conventional is the word." "You mean like vanilla? Pleasant but no surprises? No imagination?" "Well some imagination, but... he's romantic, just not... I liked it when you were a little bit um, forceful our first time. He's not like that. Sometimes I wish he would just take me and fuck me, you know? Like let out the animal inside him a little bit." "I think I know what. Perhaps some rest before my talk with Howard would help settle my mind.As I lay in bed that morning, I thought about what I must do. I must convince Howard that I have given up any idea of an affair. I must make him believe that I am his exclusively and that my request the other night was nothing more than the ravings of a menopausal woman. Surely he could believe that was possible. I had stopped taking hormone replacement therapy after the health scares. Perhaps I could blame it on that.I told Ginny about my confrontation with Howard. She scolded me for being so careless. She knew of my desire to take a lover. She does not approve. She warned me that Howard would never accept it. She can't understand why I would want to cheat on him. She sees him as the perfect husband. She's right of course. He is perfect. Too perfect.Why am I so hell-bent on self-destruction? Why do I think I can have my wonderful husband and another man on the side? I don't understand myself. It's not like I.
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