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When I discovered this strange new dynamic I had a very uncomfortableand embarrassing thought, I wondered if it would have been better if Ihadn't been feminized so gradually? What if I had been totally feminizedall at once? More students would think I was a real girl. But then avoice in my head said that I couldn't possibly mean that because whatnormal man would hurry to being fully feminized? To rush to that extremeemasculation like it was some kind of delight was the most unmanly ideain the world. Furthermore, what normal man would want to be viewed as areal girl in public? I also considered the unthinkable, how easily wouldI fit in if I spoke in a high pitched female voice as my Stepmother hadadvised? Pete would laugh his ass off if he knew I was having suchunmanly thoughts as these.Soon it was December 15 and my date with Mr. Lancaster's daughter wasscheduled for that night. During the day my Stepmother gave me asurprise when she told me that Mr. Lancaster's daughter was coming. Now," she ordered. Taking my hands she helped me to my feet. I didn't care what anyone thought, I wasn't the only saddo they had ever seen crying, and this horrible cruel thing we call life would ensure I wouldn't be the last. The glances that did come my way were quickly averted, buried once more in their little trivial tasks. Embarrassed, humbled, disgusted, who knew? Who really gave a shit! Anger at their pasty hidden faces gave me some semblance of dignity. My would-be angel led me down the aisle, the sway of her hips captivating a mind in turmoil. Confusing. Mesmerizing. As we reached the end of the carriage the train began its inexorable slowing for the next station. I didn't feel. Didn't care. My soul, drained. My fate was now held in a tiny, perfect hand leading me god knows where. The tears continued to run, darkening the worn carpet beneath my pathetic, worn out trainers. As we came to a shuddering stop, the door was instantly pulled open by the impatient uncaring commuters.
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