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It didn't matter that I couldn't control myself, that it was your fingers pinching me that started the flow. No, it didn't matter. What mattered to me was that I did it, me an adult. I breathe deeply once, to get my thoughts under control. I hear you talking... "... should be proud of yourself, pet. Never feel small. Would you like me to remove you from the ladder?" Was this a trick question? I narrowed my eyes, behind my blindfold as I thought about the alternatives to staying up here and getting down. Thinking what you'd do to me if I stayed up here. Shaking my head, I realize I just can't out-think you. No way in hell, could I ever do that. Not you.I have to give you credit for being so clever, so persistent, so damn patient. "Shall I take your silence to mean that you wish to stay on the ladder?" Oops... "No, Sir. I was just thinking." I worded myself very carefully, so as not to be misunderstood. "I would like to be removed from the ladder, Sir. It would please me very much.". Real honest curiosity. Later came a certain shame, I come from quite a religious family and there was not a lot of room for free sexuality. Sexuality was something for that certain person you are going to marry. This got me always really afraid. I also turned more inward in puberty and became quite shy, having lots of hidden fantasies. I would sit a lot behing my laptop watching oral sex videos. I never really knew where it came from. I always had it. I always felt that have vaginal sex felt strange to me. As if that should be for loving only and that oral sex is more lust.When I was 15 orso I bought a dildo and this might sounds weird. I never used it on my pussy. Never even in the years later. It just doesn’t feel right. I wanted to feel how it would be to suck a man and masturbate. Every morning and evening I would put the dildo in my mouth and play with myself until I reached an orgasm. I would practice going deeper in my throat enjoying the gagging feeling and masturbate. I.
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