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The loss of Sasha. The loss of my child. The loss of my path. These losses brought me pain the likes of which I had never known existed, let alone felt. All that pain provided me with a new respect for fear. As with everyone, I had felt fear in the past. But this new fear, brought on by actual loss, actual pain… this was fear on steroids. I let it consume me for a time. I almost let it take me. My fear of death palled in comparison to the looming shadow of my fear of living. Aoife saved me that night on my knees, next to the bed Sasha and I had shared. She pressed an unseen pause button, which allowed me the opportunity to get a glimpse of my fear from a different perspective. It allowed me the opportunity to face, understand and finally make peace with my pain, instead of blindly running from it in fear. I thought I understood fear and pain. How one fed off the other. The dynamic between the two. That summer was the hardest of my life, up until that point. Little did I know that it. ”“Well, I just don’t know what to say. I’ll be very interested in what you have to say for yourself at the reunion in five years.”I grinned at that. “With your shield or on it, Mrs. Rogers,” I replied, quoting the orders given to Spartan hoplites before going off to war. Either come home carrying your shield, victorious, or come home carried on your shield as a makeshift stretcher. No other choices were allowed. Conquer or die.“Precisely.”Jeana and I moved to the parking lot, and I followed my family to a restaurant in Cockeysville. After that, I drove Jeana back to my apartment, for a little personal time. It was still only mid-afternoon, so I went over to my liquor cabinet and pulled out a pair of wine bottles. “White or red?” I asked her.She smiled. “Let’s go for the red today.”I nodded and put back a bottle of chardonnay. I glanced at the bottle of red. “How about a nice little cabernet?” I grabbed a couple of wine glasses and the corkscrew and peeled the foil off the wine bottle..
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