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I seethed inwardly whenever I witnessed them cuddled together on the sofa watching television or she she giving his ass a playful pinch whenever he walked by. I began hanging around older girls and accumulating knoledge from them. They had all had sex and eagerly exchanged stories about their boyfriends will I stood nearby absorbing the information, even if the wors were omewhat alien to me, but the more I listened the more it became familiar what body part they referred to when they said "cock", "cunt",or what "fucking" was. It was all a revalation to my young mind. It altered how I looked at Jake, but also deepened my suspicions about my mother. Did she want to "fuck" Jake? Sex without any sort of physical or practical experience was all still very abstract and it's mechanics were still hazey to me. I was too shy to ask how a boy actually "fucks" a girl. It was like listening to people speak in another language that did not require the sort of exposition that I needed to unlock. Before the Great Earthquake, my great-grandfather had brought the camera from Philadelphia, and opened a portrait studio in the Tenderloin. He fancied himself a ladies’ man and his studio catered to women–society matrons, teachers, maids, saloon dancers, stage actresses, even bordello girls. Of his surviving glass-plate negatives, some were formal portraits, but there were also many informal nudes and boudoir scenes. My Dad would sometimes wink and say that, "One day you'll wish that you've seen half the things that this old camera has." I always dismissed that as one of his corny jokes. But watching Jillian's reverence for the camera made me wonder. When she caressed its wooden frame with an almost erotic intensity, I felt an irrational pang jealousy. "There's magic in an old camera like this, don't you think, Davey?" she asked, lightly touching my arm, as if she sensed my envy. "Think of those girls. Gone now, but so vibrant and beautiful in their day. “How wonderful it must have.
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