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Maybe a bit fat, you could say. I also have a relatively in your face, punk attitude. I'm quirky. You're typical. Maybe I was mad that you brought up my weight, maybe I was frustrated that you were messaging me instead of being the mild mannered boring person I expected you to be, but I told you point blank that you could say whatever you wanted because your husband would always choose my fat ass sitting on his face than anything you could give him. It was a confidence booster for me when he agreed. A year later you read through his messages again and caught us. Again. You read every detailed message about how he'd beg to kiss my feet, and how he couldn't wait to hold me again. You messaged me so quickly to tell me how I don't mean anything to him. Im just some online fantasy. I'm not timid about being caught anymore. He and I have spent years conditioning his sex drive around my pleasure. I'm fully comfortable saying I know I own his cum. I told you that I've been in your bedroom. Even kissed like a woman, but as we arrived back at his apartment he reversed his car into a tight parking slot in one fluid movement!That's when I thought -Hang on just a minute!I saw my mate Charlie this morning, he's only got one arm bless him.I shouted - "Where you off to Charlie?"He said, "I'm off to change a light bulb."Well I just cracked up, couldn't stop laughing, then said,"That's gonna be a bit awkward init?" Not really." he said. "I still have the receipt, you insensitive bastard."I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles.My next crap could spell disaster.Went out last night and got really wasted.I woke up this morning next to a fat old bird who was snoring and farting ... so, at least I got home OK.The wife's back on the warpath again.She was up for making a home video last night and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part.Angela Merkel arrives at Passport Control in Athens airport."Nationality?" asks the immigration officer."German," she.
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