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What I did was kinda weird. When Papi wanted something from someone, I got to put on my nicest clothes, and he sent me out to talk to them. The Fingers went in with me, and I delivered a speech Papi had written, and they’d say they’ll give him what he wants. And it worked every time. No one ever said ‘no’, and you might think it was because of the four big guys I had with me, or because of the speeches (most of which I really didn’t understand), or because they were just afraid of Papi.But I think I know what the real reason was. Me. Because when they said ‘yes’, I was expected to have sex with them. It’s the way Papi wanted it, and I think it was all well understood about the things Papi wanted. And I had to do it with everyone there. Once, we even went to the morgue, which was really scary, and there were a lot of people there, which I thought was odd. But I did it with all of them.The Fingers got to, too. I might have been part of their pay, and I’m sure that’s why they argued. But. " She shrugged again. "My problem, not yours. I told you I was crazy."I could have kicked myself. Why the hell hadn't I paid attention to her, instead of working myself into a funk? Ronnie was always so easygoing, I had no inkling of how sensitive she really was, and if I had, I was too short-circuited and unsure of myself to manage it sensibly. I was suddenly, furiously impatient with my timidity.She blinked at me. "What's the matter? Hey, Steven."I said, looking straight into her, "You're right."She blinked again. "I'm right?"I said, feeling blood rush to my face, "Yes. I couldn't handle it. I'm too shy and stupid, and I'm getting tired of it, because you don't deserve that kind of inconsiderate treatment." I looked around quickly, embarrassed that my own voice was rising. I hunched forward, my elbows on the table, hands folded. Ronnie was frowning, surprised but attentive. I confessed, "In order for me to say that, I had to... I had to let somebody get close enough, and right.
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