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"Our "Together Again" tour featuring Crystal, me, Billy and the band, Cindy, and The Hobo Palace band ended after twenty-four sold-out concerts spread out across an equal number of cities in the U.S. and Canada. The largest crowd we sang for topped 85,000 in Dallas at the Cowboys Stadium. By the end of the tour, I'd gotten my sea legs back about appearing in front of so many people while delivering an entertaining and memorable performance.Crystal chided me because I had retained my image as the sexiest man in country – a title bestowed upon me again by People magazine. I had to laugh because I'd beaten out George Rinard for the title; he'd been second. To confirm that honorific, at every concert there always appeared at least a dozen gorgeous young women with Sharpie pens in hand asking me to autograph their naked breasts.I always enjoyed the female body, and breasts topped the list depending on the day, so I developed a signature style where I had to hold each breast in my left. ..quick. Hell, I’ll just get a pizzaand take it from there. Yeah, a pizza with everything.With shaking hands and trembling fingers, I picked up the telephone andtriumphantly placed my order: "Three pizzas - the works, and a six pack ofdiet coke." I impatiently waited for my gourmet feast to arrive.Needless to say, by the time the doorbell rang, I was hungry and horny. I hadpopped in the video and Ron Jeremy was already boffing Ginger’Lynn in a giantbowl of french salad. Both were smothered in mayonnaise and pickle relish (ofall things!).The doorbell rang. I lethargically lifted my body from my Laz-Y-Boy chair andslowly, cooly, walked to the door. (Mustn’t let on any show of anticipationto those pimple faced, lecherous pizza boys.) I methodically opened the door.My jaw dropped. My stomach wriggled. My words u*********sly slurred."Pizza" she said.She! Yes! She! This was no pizza boy! No! This was a woman! And what a woman.240 pounds of woman!!"Pizza" she said, a bit impatiently,.
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