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The days blurred into months, the months into years. There was no joy, no happiness, no satisfaction, only the constant ache of being out of place. I began to doubt my own sanity. Had the swap actually happened, or was it just some twisted dream, a product of my strange obsession? I didn't know, couldn't tell any longer. What was real and what was fantasy? The one person who could have helped, who could have confirmed whether the swap had actually taken place, was gone, unable to anchor my grasp of reality. The stories continued, but even they were no longer any help. My lingerie stash, destroyed in a fit of frustrated rage then carefully rebuilt many times, was a terrifying reminder of my problem. I quit dating, returning instead to the strip clubs for an attempt at some social interaction.My uncertainty has become its own nightmare, a living hell of existence. What happened - if indeed it did - so poisoned my life that it's no longer worth living. And if it was but a. I couldn't quite stop a disappointed whine from escaping as his weight left me and his hand extracted itself from my breast."I am such an ass." He lifted his arm up to lay across his eyes, as if shading them from the sun, but given that we were in a tent, it was sort of obvious he was just avoiding eye contact."Alistair?" His tone frightened me, and I tried to prepare myself for what I thought would come next – the apology followed by 'I made a mistake'."I offer you a place to sleep and promise to be a gentleman, and then I jump on you the first chance I get. Do you think ... you could forgive me? I swear if you give me another chance I won't take advantage. I-"I cut him off, almost laughing in relief. I rolled to my side and pushed up to kneel beside him. I stretched out across him, self-conscious about the weight I was laying on him, but needing the intimacy and wanting to be nose-to-nose before I spoke."Nothing to forgive, love." I reached up and moved the arm he'd flung over his.
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