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Words could not express the emptiness and pain I felt.My parents and Jess's tried to ease my grief, but it was clear I was lost in self-sorrow. I struggled through the funeral and dealt with all the impossible details that came with it.Jess's parents had an insurance policy on her, and they helped with the funeral expenses. They even offered to give me what money was left to help with raising Jen. However, while I was so lost and confused, I didn't want to talk about it.Six months later, I still struggled with not continuing, and I fell into a dark place that I didn't want to leave. If I didn't have Jennie, I'm sure I would have ended my misery at my own hand.Mom did her best to help me out, but she was going through her own hell at the time. You see, my father had been diagnosed with cancer which, after several treatments, went into submission.You would think that would have made him appreciate his family more. But in reality, it did the opposite. He spent more time away from home.. Everything they had was in one place. “Let’s do it,” he said, and she followed him outside. There was a row of Molotov cocktails standing on the hood of her BMW. She handed him the duffel, and he threw it along with the cash into the cab of his truck. She got a disposable lighter out of the car, and leaving the door open, started lighting the wicks in the bottles of gas he’d syphoned out of her tank. She was on the third one by the time she felt him come up against her side. He stood in silence while she finished lighting the wicks. She wanted to ask him if he was sure he wanted to do this, but she already knew the answer. He grabbed the first bottle and whipped it through the open door of the trailer. The glass shattered and the fuel burst into flame. He threw another one into the trailer, then five in through the open door of the house. She walked toward his truck while he heaved the last two through the open window of her car. Everything behind him was burning as he walked.
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