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And I think there is something with thehypermasculine psychology that needs to be changed in boys. At first Ihad not got far with this principle towards my own sons. I hate force andpunishment, and I love rewards and encouragement.I have a secret that can be difficult to talk about, not because it iswrong, but because it can be misunderstood: I never stoppedbreastfeeding my two boys. To the three of us it is only a natural ting.And I think we are all addicted to it in a way. The boys cherish thesemoments once a day and have tried to make me breastfeed more often.Boobing time and sleep were the only two periods during the day whenthese two warriors kept quiet. So, I have not been very tempted to stop.Jack: My oldest kid. I gave my children names having in mind that theyone day might be altered or used according to a different genderidentity. And a certain wife of a president crossed my mind back then.Jack was ten years when we started the change. He is a quite smartlittle. Well, maybe not dislike, so much, but I wanted to be someone they feared enough that they’d do what I wanted. I guess I was trying to keep them and everything else under my control. Linda’s death shattered the foundation of everything I thought I was and wanted to be.”“How so?”“When I first learned of the accident, my initial thought scared the hell out of me. Sorry, the ‘heck’ out of me.”“No problem. Keep going. How did it scare you?”“When she told me she was leaving, I turned all I should have been feeling into hurt and anger. When I learned she died, my first though ... geez, I ashamed to admit this.”“Go on, Anson. I’m your friend and I’m not here to judge you.”“Okay. My first horrible thought was that her death would save me money instead of going through a divorce.”I felt a tear sliding down my cheek as I watched Hank’s face for a reaction. I wondered if he would be shocked or appalled, or even disgusted. He showed none of that. I think I saw understanding.“And then what?”“I.
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