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She stared at it for a few minutes before actually writing anything. Guilt ridden, she wrote these words: I am a slave to the pain and taste, feel and touch of sex. I breathe humiliation being thrust upon me like a child being chastised. Will the Lord ever forgive me for this habitual transgression – this lust of the flesh? I feel as though I can’t shake it. Every time I think I want to let it go, I give in and give up and let the pain, not the dominant, act as my master. Will this internal struggle ever end for me? It calls out to me in the middle of the night when I am lonely. I can’t believe I actually thanked God for bringing Cassius into my life because he enjoyed giving pain as much as I enjoyed receiving it. It’s a crying shame to say I can not see a day when I will let go of this thrill and rush I get with every infliction of pain to my body. Help me, Lord! The clock on the night stand next to Cassius displayed in large red numbers the time of two in the morning, so she. “But Troy and Angela loved you!” I said.“No, they didn’t. Not the way I needed to be loved. Why do you think I did all the things I did? The one thing I didn’t do was what Samantha did. Try to substitute sex for love. Well, not until we married. I didn’t understand how to love you even then. Or how to be loved. Kara knew.”“Not until I met Steve,” Kara said. “Well, that’s not totally true. My mom always loved me, but she couldn’t show it properly because of my dad.”“Why did you leave Samantha with Birgit?” Jessica asked.“That’s an easy one, Jess!” Kara said. “Who in this house loves everyone, unconditionally? She’s just like her dad. But Samantha sees Steve as someone to have sex with. So Steve brought in the expert! If anyone can break through the ‘pretentious bitch’ wall, it’s Birgit.”“Exactly,” I said. “I didn’t see Michelle when I was home earlier, is she OK?”“Fine, I think. She was in here almost all day, studying, just like yesterday. She went down to her room after dinner.”“OK..
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