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” I thought praise was appropriate at this juncture having dodged a few shillings whore’s fees as I thought.“I’m not a whore,” Pat bridled.“No James, she is my friend, in fact I am her chaperone!” Lucinda laughed excitedly, “So what do you think of my James?” she asked.“I think he is an insufferable oaf!” Pat declared.“But how does he fuck my darling?” Lucinda enquired.“How should I know, I have nothing with which to compare hims save a broom handle,” she answered.“Good lord was I your first?” I asked.“Of course!” she replied.“No ‘Of course’ about it, you were fucking Lucinda as I came in, you looked every inch a whore so how the devil am I supposed to know,” I fumed, “Am I supposed to ask every wench ‘Are you pure’ before I pleasure them?”“No but a bye your leave would be a sound starting point,” Lucinda opined.“If chaps had to ask a bye your leave every time he fancied a poke the whole of humanity would die out in a rash of virginity,” I opined.“Oh lord there is slime running out of. During the 18th and 19th century, the Mediterranean Sea was rife with Moorish pirates. They had a traditional hate for christians ... I suppose because of the Crusades ... and the muslim teaching that infidels be converted or put to death. One of the tortures had its roots in christianity.The Prefect of Rome, a greedy pagan, thought the Church had a great fortune hidden away. So he ordered Lawrence to bring the Church's treasure to him. The Saint said he would, in three days. Then he went through the city and gathered together all the poor and sick people supported by the Church. When he showed them to the Prefect, he said: "This is the Church's treasure!"In great anger, the Prefect condemned Lawrence to a slow, cruel death. The Saint was tied on top of an iron grill over a slow fire that roasted his flesh little by little, but Lawrence was burning with so much love of God that he almost did not feel the flames. In fact, God gave him so much strength and joy that he even joked. "Turn.
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