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. No. She can’t send the product back.”“Is there no return address?”“No.” Pause. “Uhm. The product is currently in use. That’s basically the reason I’m calling.”“... ... Oh.” Pause. “Uhm, I’m sorry. I’m not sure I understand you correctly.”“I’m sure you do though, Jason.”Pause. “Sir, I don’t know-““Jason, the orchid-shaped thing is in my ass. It’s in my ass, it’s vibrating, it feels disturbingly good, but it also won’t come out and I’m freaking out, Jason. Sorry to confront you with this, but I thought I might ask for help from you guys first before I take the most embarrassing ER trip of my life.”Silence. “Okay.”“Look. I’m really sorry. I am literally more embarrassed than I have ever been in my life, and that includes that time I shat myself at my mother-in-law’s BBQ and unsuccessfully tried to pin it on the cat. I would absolutely understand if you laughed your ass off on my account. I’m sitting here, in the bathtub, with only my shirt on – which I should take off because I’m. Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had --diahre--dyrea--direathe-- the shits.Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots leak. Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault. I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don't know what size she wear.Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the.
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