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Was I really such a cold-hearted monster?" The questions I kept asking myself were creating answers that I didn't like, didn't like one bit. I kept sitting there, in the kitchen, my injured hand starting to get numb from the cold.My rage was now gone, my stomach roiling. I felt physically ill, perhaps from the sudden realization that maybe, just maybe, some of the things Jackie had accused me of were right. Did I fuck up that badly? Was I that much of a prick? Was she right? The vague thoughts began to crystalize, and my iron curtain began to shatter. It was then that I finally came to grips with myself, realizing what I had allowed myself to become.Yes, Tina had screwed up, but she had acknowledged that and came to terms with it. I had not. I felt destroyed by her adultery, but now I realized that I was not only hurt by what she had done, but also that my "manly" pride had been wounded, so that while Tina had fucked up royally, I did not handle the whole incident wisely. I had. A nice idea. Except for the fact it was in Northern Ireland. Where it rains. A lot. Pretty soon the windows were rolled up tight and then the heater was switched on and the car started to get steamy and muggy. The escort was fighting hard to stay awake and we still had a couple of hours driving. I got the driver to pull over just on the outskirts of the city, and offered to let the escort have a sleep in the back and I would carry on with his job. He was out of his seat before I had finished suggesting it. He passed me his pistol. A walther ppk 7.65, made famous by James Bond, but actually quite a good gun for short range work. I cocked it, feeding a round into the chamber. The two guys looked shocked at that. ‘You shouldn’t do that’ the escort said. I just looked at him. ‘A gun is just a lump of metal unless you fire it, and if I need to fire it, I aint going to fuck around cocking it’ As he slid into the back seat, I told them both to take off their ties. ‘Lets try and look like.
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