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." Felicity seemed to understand without need of explanation. "Lucky her!"I wished I could have said 'lucky me, ' which had been true not long ago, but was not at present.I knew that the Cambridge term was ending soon, and Em would be mostly free for nearly three months, though I remembered she was attending a symposium on criminal psychology in Chicago in June. Patience began to give way to despair. One night Felicity came round and brought some hash with her. I rather weak-mindedly broke Margaret's rule. A few puffs wouldn't matter, I thought, and it certainly made me feel better, so much so that I very nearly took Felicity up on her earlier suggestion. The next day, in the grip of an old demon - sexual frustration and the freshened memories of the sensation enhancing effects of soft drugs, I called an old connection. Teasing myself, telling myself that anticipation would make the breaking of my fast all the better, and that by doing what I was doing I was very necessarily. I sensed something within him that was also within me;pain...hurting...anger. There was one thing I never sensed in him thatconsumed me; fear.One cold winter's day I observed something that was not all that unusualin our neighborhood; four men gathered and trying to look inconspicuous.Then, down the street, I saw him coming down the street; the collar ofhis CPO coat turned up against the wind and his hands in his pockets. Ashe approached I quietly utter only a few words. His reply was simply"Thanks".His voice was so deep that it belied his age. That deepness went rightthrough me and shook me to the core. I would have wet myself had I beenborn with functioning boy bits. But I took that voice home with me and Idreamt of him in 'our' bed, naked and warm. I dreamt of curling up andnuzzling the center of his masculinity.I dreamt of nursing on it with my eyes closed and my hands cupping hisgnads. I dreamt of spreading my legs over my shoulders and taking himinto me; capturing him.
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