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When the lead came up, I rolled the volume up a few notches and wailed it. I wasn't perfect, but Dana and the keyboard player stopped playing for a moment to watch me, but Rex and the drummer kept up the background so I didn't stumble. Everyone joined back in before the vocals were due, and we finished up in style. I was pleased with it.Dana was the first to say anything, "How long did it take you to learn that lead part?"I kind of mumbled, "I've never played it before, but I've heard the song a couple of times. I don't think I got it all the way right, I'd have to play along with the album to do that." Bullshit! There is no way you could do that cold. You set us up Rex." She took her guitar off, set the Gibson SG on its stand, and took off into the house.The tall brunette behind the keyboard looked at me, "You really haven't played that before?" No, without female singers, there is no reason to learn most Heart tunes. I love their music though and listen to it all the time. I'm more. And that just left me feeling more and more guilty. As guilty as I may have felt, I couldn’t stop my mind from continuously drifting back to that time with Jackson and wishing that I could capture those feelings again. My rational mind knew that the intensity of the interaction I had with Jackson was at least partially dictated by the fact that all the passion, respect and admiration we felt for each other had to be expressed in a concentrated 36-hour window. I knew that in spending a life with someone you just don’t maintain that level of intensity. At least that’s what I told myself. Armed with that knowledge I wasn’t tempted to break up my marriage and go looking for Jackson. I resolved that it was okay to have a secret fantasy life, I just needed to feed her hunger enough to keep me from doing something stupid that could wreck my relationship and hurt Brian. By the third year of our marriage, I began reading erotica in the bath tub in the evenings and using that time to feed that.
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