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I thought I might hurt her if she shook while it was in my mouth so I just used my lips so if it was jerked out of my mouth it wouldn’t do any damage.She went limp and I heard her exhale as if she was totally done. Sort of like I have had enough but don’t stop.I moved up her body kissing her along the way until I could kiss her lips again.She smiled at me and asked, “Where did you learn to do that so well?”I had to admit to her she was the first and I had no idea what I was doing that I had just heard some things from the other girls and they just seemed to be guiding my thoughts,We cuddled with our breast against each other. Janet ran her fingers though my hair as if I was her lover and caressed my body as if she might have done her boy friend.We fell asleep in that position. When we woke up, my mom was standing beside the bed.I felt like my entire body was blushing and had to be a deep dark red. She was just looking at our naked bodies and smiling. I tried to explain it away. I needed to get itout.Once on the phone, there wasn't any time pleasantries or small talk.She wanted to know right away what's going on. I breathed in deeply."I'm... I ...." Breath. "I'm transgender." I was shaking.It was out. I said it. And the second I said I also regretted it. Nowthere isn't any way backWe talked for hours. She had many questions. My initial regret wentaway as quickly as it came. It felt good. Many things made sense toher now that she knew.I could feel that I turned around in that dead-end road. Sure, my lifewas far from being the life I wanted to live. And I had no idea if Iever reach that point. But I was determined to try.Therapy went on. And it helped so much. The mess in my head finallybecame clearer. I had goals. And I set myself two goals. First, by 35I wanted to live the life I currently dreamed of. And the second, Iwill celebrate my 40th birthday big. Which was huge given that Iseriously doubted that I will make to 32 a few weeks before.Jobwise it wasn't.
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