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” Then there was a sharp pain in the back of my head and everything went black.I was being lifted into an ambulance on a gurney when I opened my eyes. I was strapped down securely and could see a blue uniformed police officer standing over me on one side while a med-tech pulled an oxygen mask off my face. My pack was lying on the seat to my right. The EMT was asking if I could see his fingers while I heard the officer rambling on about my rights. “You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say or do can and will be held against you in a court of law...”“Can you raise your finger? Do you feel your toes?”“You have the right to speak to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed for you...”“Is there any pain when I press on your stomach?”“Do you understand these rights as they have been read to you?”I couldn’t speak and I couldn’t move my head. My mouth wagged open and closed a couple of times.“Is there anyone we should contact for you?”“Why did you push. ”“Good point. So how did the Jerry Springer aliens manage to capture us?”“Well, we came up with this brilliant plan for rescuing Dad. You dressed up in Mum’s wedding gown and floated around outside the window pretending to be a ghost. That was supposed to distract the Jerry Springers. In the meantime, I dressed up like a farmer’s wife so that I could crawl into the room and cut Dad free with a carving knife.”“Uh huh. So, what went wrong with the plan?”“The Jerry Springers weren’t as distracted as we hoped. They introduced from back-stage a dozen other girls wearing wedding dresses. They were all pregnant with Jerry’s babies and they said you couldn’t marry Jerry because they’d gotten to him first. Then the girls threw chairs at each other and started pulling each other’s hair. Then they all teamed up against you and tore Mum’s wedding dress into little pieces and you had to run away and hide because all you had on were your Minnie Mouse knickers.”“Those things? I threw them out when I.
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