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My mother was a very late-in-life baby. She was born when grandma was forty-four. She said it was hard growing up because grandpa – her dad – had died in a farm accident just before she was born and all her siblings were grown up with families of their own by then. So, it was just her and grandma out on the farm by themselves.When she told me that story, I was never sure if it was to tell me that she understood my loneliness– the only father I knew was a tombstone in the local military cemetery – or she was asking me to understand her own emptiness. In any case, mom had to work and I spent a lot of time out on the farm with grandma.I was born when mom was forty-two. That means my grandmother was eighty-six when I was born. She still worked the farm she had inherited from her parents. Actually, for most of my life, she rented it out for crop share and only supervised things at planting and harvest. I don’t know how much actual supervision she did, but I remember her and me sitting out. " There was a tear in her eye as she looked up at me.Again, I remained silent as I thought about her explanation. She was accepting responsibility for ruining our outing in London and that was what I wanted. Then she almost blew it by adding, "You're as bad. You wouldn't answer my calls to your mobile." I am not!" I shouted. "I wasn't the one that ruined the weekend in London." I realised I'd raised my voice, something I very rarely did, and paused for a second before continuing in a more normal tone, "I was feeling pissed off with you and your damned attitude. I didn't think talking on the phone would get us anywhere. Anyway, it took you until Monday to try and ring me, I was home Saturday evening and most of Sunday." I know," she replied softly. "Cath told me you were really upset and angry. I was scared to ring you, but she made me try anyway. Then, when you wouldn't answer my calls, she told me that it was my own fault and I'd better do something quickly before I lost you for.
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