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Money talks ... but all mine ever says is good-bye.You’re not fat, you’re just easier to see.If you think nobody cares whether you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters. Do they just give you a bra and say, “Here, fill this out?”I can’t understand why women are OK that JC Penny has an older women’s clothing line named, “Sag Harbor.”My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I’m pretty sure she was hitting on me.My 60 year kindergarten reunion is coming up soon and I’m worried about the 175 pounds I’ve gained since then.Denny’s has a slogan, “If it’s your birthday, the meal is on us.” If you’re in Denny’s and it’s your birthday, your life sucks!The pharmacist asked me my birth date again today. I’m pretty sure she’s going to get me something.The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can go in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient.I think. Dad and Mom were divorced a couple of years ago and she moved to another state so I only see her a few times a year. Mom very personally taught me about sex when I was 13 but that's not the story I want to tell you here.Our last class for the day had just ended and I went out into the hall and found my best friend, Jeff. "Jeff, you've got to come over to my house. I found something you won't believe. You've gotta see it." Jeff asked me what it was but I told him the he would have to wait and see. We walked the six blocks to my house and he kept asking what I had found but I would not tell him. Jeff and I had been best friends from back in third grade when he moved here from back east.When we got to the house we threw our books on the couch. "OK, we're here, what's this big deal you gotta show me?" Jeff asked. "I was looking through Dad's stash of porn tapes and found this one with no label. I watched it and you gotta see it, Dude." Jeff and I were poking around the house one day.
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