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All I can say is get your mind out of the dregs of the gutter. It’s not like that. Crap, I tell people all the time I won’t talk about something, either because it’s illegal, my employer doesn’t allow it (hello, this is my job, you know paychecks and hours and all that bullshit, even though I work at home), or I find it revolting. This isn’t like that. I’d do it if I could find a way to do it right, but the exact technology isn’t available anywhere I can find, anyway, and God knows I’ve looked.Let me tell you what I’m looking for, maybe you know something. An app, I’m looking for an app for my smartphone that I can use to unlock a padlock remotely. That’s all. Is that too much to ask of 21st century technology?That’s how simple my problem is. Oh, it’d be nice to have a couple of features, maybe a way to check the lock to get the status, you know, if it’s engaged, or it has been pried open or something. And a way to keep the number of the phone hidden would be nice, like a. I guess you have to count the years I was a vampire, even though I wasn’t technically ‘alive’ then. The only aging that had taken place was during my two periods as a mortal. Maybe the other 447 years didn’t count. I certainly don’t have trouble lying about my age. I’ve been doing it for centuries after all. I tugged the chain from around my neck. Along with the locket that held a tiny picture of Mike, it supported the key to the lock that securely fastened the covers of my book. After all, it wouldn’t do to have anyone read what was actually in there if they weren’t already in on the family secret. When I related the stories in here I pretended they were about ancestors of ours. I certainly didn’t go on about vampires and sex. They would learn at the proper age the real story behind the book. I’d been fortunate. Well, that was the understatement of the last half-millennium. I’d been extraordinarily blessed, particularly since I had been given back my life in that graveyard in.
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