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I don’t have that Ali- thingamajig. I really don’t want any trouble. Look, let’s go out by the subway station. There’s an ATM. I’ll pay you in cash,” I promised, speaking as conciliatorily as I could, holding my arms in the air as if the goons were cops pointing guns.Then, without warning, without calculation, I ripped a thunderclap of a fart, a giardia, rotten egg stinker.The three recoiled, covered and held their noses, retched and shook their heads in disgust. I thought the stink might paralyze them, allow me time to make a run for it, escape, but after the initial impact, they regrouped and hastily gathered their minds.They spoke amongst each other in their local dialect. I couldn’t understand any of it. One of the ruffians seemed to have objections, was loudly motioning at me, yelling something, but Pink Shirt overruled him.“Okay. We take you,” Pink Shirt said, nodding me towards the door.The three assholes allowed me to pass, followed closely behind me. Walking down the. 3 or something: all gifts are to be opened in the nude as are all written exchanges and scheduled phone calls. Flowers are to be placed in the vase he had given me on our third date in the nude and the door is to be answered in the nude. Well, for him anyway. I sat on the couch laying the flowers on the table and the box across my lap. There was a ritual to this as well; I had to start with the note first because it surely contained the instructions for the accompanying package. Despite the abundance of Langston's parcels, they never felt like "gifts". They weren't wrapped, the only one with a ribbon was from Hermes and they put one on whether you want it or not. The things were luxurious, plush and expensive: a three-piece pinstripe suit from Emporio Armani, Prada handbags and shoes from Italy. (no, really. From Italy. He had a friend who played basketball in Florence and would send him whatever he wanted.) A pair of diamond studs (2 cts. t.w.), having my car detailed every two.
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