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It wasnear the end of summer. I was in seventh or eighthgrade and had just biked home from swimming practice.My dad worked in the city and my mom was away for theday, so Stacia, our baby-sitter, was there to take careof my baby brother. Stacia lived behind us, one house over. I had amad crush on her, but she had just finished high schooland I could only worship her from afar. Here ash blondhair and her throaty voice made her seem wild and un-tamed to me. I was always flustered around her, withconflicted feeling of lust, embarrassment, and awe. Wewere about the same height. However, she always wore apair of brown, wooden clogs with three inch platforms,so it felt like she towered over me. Clogs were prettypopular back then and quite a few girls wore them toschool. Stacia’s clogs had the highest heels, though.Anyway, I’ll always associate brown, high heel clogswith Stacia and a wonderful, early sexual experience. Stacia was in the living room watching a soapopera. I flexed so hard I actually felt the bonds straining to hold me. My knees began to close and I screamed like a rock star. Tears began to flow down my cheeks and I laughed uncontrollably.Samsara weaved the fingers of her right hand into the fingers on my left hand and put her mouth next to my ear. She whispered, "Trust me, whore - just let go."It was as though I was having every emotion I'd ever felt all at once. Rage, bliss, love, hate, anger, depression, doubt, terror, lust, ambition...and I couldn't control any of it! Once it started, it was a tidal wave.What I don't know is how long I was on the table a bundle of primal emotions - it could have been hours, it could have been minutes. What I know is that no one touched me, and slowly I began to come down from it. My body gradually came back under my control until I lay perfectly still on the St. Andrews cross. I was breathing heavily and sweating.Samsara unshackled me, and took the blindfold off. The room had emptied save her and.
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