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Making even an immediate and very rough course correction was a lot better than staying on the line we’d been on.“OKAY ... WE JUST FOUND OUT WE’VE BEEN GOING DUE EAST, AND WE SHOULD HAVE BEEN GOING SOUTH!” I yelled at my passengers. “I STILL DON’T KNOW WHERE WE ARE, BUT NOW I’VE GOT THE OLD GIRL HEADING IN THE DIRECTION WHERE ALL THE CITIES AND TOWNS ARE, SO WE’RE FIXING OUR PROBLEMS AS WE GO!”And we actually were doing that—sorta. Alaska doesn’t have a very high a population density and the state as a whole just isn’t well settled. Once, an Air Force KC-135 from Eielson Air Force Base, near our destination at Fairbanks, crashed seven miles from the end of the runway. As far as anyone could tell, no one had ever set foot in the nearly inaccessible valley where the plane went down. That was only a few miles from Alaska’s second largest city.Heading southwest from—well, from wherever we were—was much, much better than heading east into the frozen waste of northern Canada—but it still. And that wee wanker Shawn next door to him with the skinhead and the tattoo all round his neck. Then of course theres WhatsErFace. From Dundee I think. WhatsErFace has crazy red hair and wears these obscene little skirts that I wouldnt have the nerve to show in public. (I think she might be a prozzie actually. I dont mean a sauna-girl like my pal Shona. I mean a proper five-quid-a-handjob/ignore-the-whisky-breath/Leith-police-dismisseth-us street-walker. Shes got a different man on her arm every time I see her. Always middle aged and profusely sweating. Never like to look you in the eye those guys.) My main bone of contention with WhatsErFace though is the scabby little ratdog effort she has thats always trying to shag a hole in your leg. I absolutely adore animals but that mutt should be shot. Thats the extent of the loathing I have for the beast. The most persistent nutter of the lot though has to be McLay. Wee Graeme McLay from upstairs. He must think Ive got some kind of.
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