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You are not a man.”I was dumbfounded by this declaration. I had never tried to take on a god mantle with my people. I’ve clearly made mistakes and I’ve admitted to them when they’ve happened. I just couldn’t believe what Gogra was telling me.“You know I am a man,” I told Gogra in protest. “I’ve bled. You know this.”“I know you are a man, Jake,” Gogra sighed softly in reply, “but what I know does not matter. What matters to our tribe is that you are chief and shaman and more importantly our protector. What matters is that the Earth Mother gives you the power to teach men to hunt with new weapons, to ride a horse when others could not and to tame a wild animal making it obey you. What matters is that the power of the Bear Spirit fills your body giving you strength to fight bad men. Only these things matter; and to others, they prove that you are not a man.”I couldn’t say anything in reply to this statement. I hadn’t ever thought about it before. I certainly hadn’t experienced it to the. Last time we met she told me that she would consider herself fortunate if she could help me and that’s because my mother helped her when she needed to be helped the most. I reach to the side pocket of my bag to fish out the paper on which I had written her phone number and address but I don’t find the pocket. I take the bag off my shoulders and then it hits me like a wrecking ball that this bag is my old one. I had the paper in my new bag. I feel like all the blood has been drained from my body. No! This cannot be happening to me. God, no, please! I try to remember her number. It was 6032…60325… god it ends with 99. Oh god! Please help me remember. Oh god! I am such an idiot. A total idiot. Coming out of the booth I ask myself, what now? What do I do now? Should I live on the streets? Hell no! Should I go back home? Yes! I don’t have another choice. If my step mom won’t let me in at least she would give me back my new bag or the cell phone and then I would get back here. Get back to.
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