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Worthless. A waste. A total waste.Later, much later, she was still alone. Alone and lonely. Miserable. Unloved. Unlovable. In her mid-forties still a virgin, and not by choice. No man would have her, it seemed. For that matter, she could hardly bear her own company. "I love you ... ha, ha, HA!"Then, in the depths of despair and self-hatred, the realization struck her. Someone once had professed love for her ... even if it had been a malicious lie. Arlene, in the guise of Val, had spoken words of love. That was enough. There had to be a certain compelling logic in I love you that transcended the boundaries of intention. It was a magic powerful enough to break down barriers and open floodgates.Let's assume that part of the problem is my perception of myself. I am nothing without the approval of others. Nothing.What's the mirror image of that? I am myself, and sufficient unto myself. I need no one and nothing.Go a step further. Arlene (that little shit!) gave me the key. She was only. She was thrilled at hisunexpected display of intimacy, even if it was just a hug in the back yard and holding hands walking into the house. Maybe things were going to get better and she could be happy again."Let me change clothes, I'll be right back" and Early left her sitting in the den.He returned in a few minutes dressed in jeans and a polo shirt "How about a glass of iced tea?" Yes thank you. I am rather thirsty after working in the yard most of the morning."Susan sat and watched Early as he prepared the drinks "Is there a problem at work? Why did you come home early?" Some things have happened at work that I need to share with you, some are good, some are bad. I would like to hold part of it back but you have a right to know what is going on. Before I say anything I want you to understand clearly that I love you and will do anything for you. What I am about to share with you is not an attempt to hurt you or cause you pain in any way although some of it probably will." Is this.
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