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’ And I am not beautiful, complete, or at peace with the world. I am still an angel with a broken wing and I still consider Napoleon a brother in arms against the mediocre, merchantile forces that replaced him. Now the howl of the kettle calls me into the living room, where I fix my coffee. As it cools, I drink a glass of orange juice. Everything comes down to this day and it’s just like any other day. I pull apart one of the CD hills and, as often happens, find ‘The Greatest Hits of the Grateful Dead’ on the first try. I put on Track 2: ‘I Will Get By.’ Then I add half and half to my coffee and half a tea-spoon of sugar. It is a great existential mystery to me that the sugar that in my childhood days seemed pure Prana now seems a necessary poison, gleaming menacingly at me. I force the coffee down with a mixture of exultation and revulsion. It’s actually the most expensive coffee available in this posh shithole of a city but coffee and I have long had a love/hate relationship,. I thought maybe he’d already done it, just like that, already put his seed in me, when he straightened up all a sudden and grabbed me by the hips and began slapping into me.We’d never done it in the sunlight, really, unless you counted two days ago after swimming on the picnic blanket. And doing it in the barn door, where we could easily be in plain sight of Daddy or Denver if they rounded a corner or two ... there was fear there, about being caught, even though I didn’t fully understand why we needed to be fearful of that, but there was also a huge thrill to it, too. Danny had needed me so badly, and I him, that we’d dropped everything to get onto it as soon as we could.‘Danny,’ I gasped against the hay, bracing myself against the bale as best I could, ‘you’re gonna make it happen ... it’s gonna happen,’ I moaned.I could hear the smile in Danny’s voice, even through his laboured panting and the slap of our flesh. ‘Good. I love it when you do that, Sally. I love making you feel so.
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