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The sat-nav meant absolutely nothing to him, in fact he had trouble programming his VCR and setting the clock on the cooker was, frankly, beyond him, he left it flashing zeros after the first power cut. He was useless with computers at school and only forced to use the factory one to log on for his time sheet.However, as he had recently replaced most of his vinyl Blues and Bluegrass records with CDs, that part of the entertainment package greatly appealed to him. The salesman was also prepared to offer a good trade-in on Brian’s old car which solved the problem of what to do with her once Betsey 2 was replaced.“Sold!” Brian smiled to the salesman, who grinned even broader back at him, and Brian happily signed the papers put in front of him and handed over his debit card. Two days later, after the registration had been completed and the wheels, mats and sat-nav unit had been installed, Brian proudly drove away the very first brand-new car he had ever possessed.Brian had to admit to. STOP THAT!“No, it’s funny!” I said.“Brash!” G282 said, pitching her voice loudly. “Do not taunt the primordial evil.”I closed my eyes. “Right. No more taunting.” I smirked. “Lets see just who can assimilate whome here.” I grinned, then started to go. To. Town. You remember how I had once made an entire suit of clothes by turning my cells into little sewing machines? Well, now, it was time to focus my entire brain-force into the single act of turning my cells into teeny tiny Beast chomping bits. My vision and my perception of myself swept inwards and downwards. Remember that movie Osmosis Jones? I sure didn’t, I’d never actually seen it, but I’ve heard of it. And I bet that it was almost exactly like that. In my gut, I sent armadas of wriggling, flagellum equipped cells with lobster claws to dive down on the Beast’s spore-cytes. Chop chop!Clacking claws crushed crafty ... fuck. I couldn’t think of a C word that meant jerkass space mold.But in my lungs, the Beast was doing tricky.
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