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I gettingfrustrated with trying to convince myself that it was ok tofeel the way I was feeling. Was I in love with him? Was Igay? Could I be gay if I?m a girl? What was I? I?m a guy. Ithought. Then, why is being a girl seem to be so easy? Icontinued with the struggle when I heard the phone ring."Todd, it?s for you." Dusty called through the door.What was he thinking? "Dusty! I hollered back at him. Ican?t answer the phone like this!" D?oh!" was his response.Then, I heard a knock at my bedroom door. I acknowledgedhim, and he came in. In an odd way, it was a relief to laymy eyes on him. All the effort of trying not to think ofhim and how I was feeling was suddenly a childish ploy. Iwanted him; that I knew. I was a woman, and he was a man.So, what was the big deal? While my heart would skip a beatwhen he entered a room or race when we touched, I felt avery comforting calm when he was around. It was a feelingthat suddenly reminded me of my dad."Dust." I said to him."Yes?" I?m sorry if I. My eyes filled with tears that I tried to wipe away angrily before they could spill."No? Sierra..." He looked at where I stood, confusion and hurt clear in his expression."No, Alistair. I'm not okay. You don't get to just ... do that, and then say sorry and think that I would just forget it happened." I just want to fix things. Please? I need you." You should have thought about that when you asked me if I was a monster and then walked away."Aedan's arm tightened, and I was grateful for the support, but also for his silence. For everyone's silence. I was suddenly, finally done with being feeble, with needing to be protected. And my little family were letting me fight my own battle. I felt Tomas' hand on my shoulder, but still no one else spoke."I spoke rashly. I should have ... well, anything but that. I was upset, but that's no excuse." At least you're aware of that much." My tone was icy, and part of me cringed inside; his puppy dog eyes were sad and puzzled and hurt, and his bottom.
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