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.conflicted.He takes my chin and looks me in the eyes."Do. You. Like. It?" he asks slowly, emphasizing each word."I shouldn't..." But..." he offers."It's wrong..." But..." he repeats."I hate how I feel right now," I confide."Hate?" he looks surprised. "But you dressed yourself and let Mr. Owensdress you too?" Yeah," I agree.I don't get it. I don't want to explain. I just want to be normal. Thisisn't normal."I shouldn't like it," I finally tell him."But you do?" he offers.I look at him for a moment. I can trust him. Maybe he can help. Maybe heunderstands."I'm really turned on when I wear this shit. A lot," I whisper."It's ok," he says softly."I don't like that I get turned on," I explain."Why not?" It's wrong!" I declare."Who cares?" he says."Everyone at school! All the guys! Larry!" Who cares about them?" he asks.What? Everyone cares about them! They're the guys! They're the girls!They're the whole world."Do what makes you happy..." he tells me. "It's only us here tonight."He lets go. They both made me feel whole, like a man. The way Lisa cocked her head and grinned at him. The feeling of those fjord blue eyes sparkling into his. Things had gone badly and Lisa ended the relationship. An ache like he had never felt permeated his very existence. Looking into mirror as he shaved, wondering what would happen if the razor slipped. He would scarcely breath feeling the sharpness of the blade at his jugular. He knew he couldn’t stay and survive. Leaving was the only option. On a bitterly cold January morning, he had packed one bag, and left everything else behind for whoever wanted it. He knew he would never be back to collect anything. It didn’t matter, it was just stuff. He ached. He closed his eyes, feeling the sting of emotion in them. It didn’t feel fair, he was so close, but yet, so far away. In mere hours he could see her, hear her, touch her. What would her cheek feel like? How would she touch his face? He wanted to feel her in his arms, was that too much to ask?.
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