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The name calling, the thumps and blows. I endured a few years of that, simply not understanding why it was happening. Despite this, I went on playing with the girls. Hopskotch, wall flowers (a singing game with very girly dance movements). But the bullying increased in intensity and I saw the only way out as trying to conform to male gender conditioning. At grammar school, with no girls to play with, I decided to butch up. The bullying stopped. I played rugby and hated it but saw it as a way of conforming. At 12 I began to masturbate but always to the idea of dominant males. I began to believe that the only way they would even consider me as a sexual partner would be if I appeared to be female. So I started to wear my mother's clothes and soon began to love girdles and suspender belts and stockings. Best of all was her wedding dress...I saw myself as a bride to a commanding uniformed guy and this remained my ideal for years. I was quite innocent about all this until I reached an. So he lied. "You guys are all paranoid. I know who was in that car - it was my friend Fred's mother - she was looking for him, and thought he might be walking with me." The Samsons don't have a black car," John's father said."Fred said they just bought it," John said."Are you sure, John? You know we have to be careful in this family. There are people who want to hurt Dad - maybe even all of us." Beth said."I know - don't worry. I look around, I'm careful. If there's ever any real reason to worry, I'll let you know."***Thursday evening, John was walking home after band practice. He was walking past the big oak trees at the edge of Creek Park, when someone jumped out behind him. Before he realized what was going on, the person, dressed all in black, picked him up, swung him over his shoulder, and ran with him between the trees.John tried kicking and punching, but the person was strong and pinned his legs together, and the punches didn't seem to bother him."Keep quiet and we won't hurt.
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