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Katie puts her arm around me trying to comfort me but also toprod me along. "Please tell her about Alexa. If she is going to helpyou, she needs to know about Alexa."Dr. Burke interest seems piqued as she interjects herself. "Who isAlexa, Alex. Is that a name you use when dressed?"I nod my head but do not look up. I can feel the tears beginning toform in my eyes as I think about Alexa. I look back on the fun I hadwith both Katie and Jenny over the weekend, the shopping and the nightout. I think about the closeness I felt with Katie and to a littlelesser extent with Jenny when I was Alexa. Mostly I think about hownatural I felt when I was dressed as Alexa and how alive I felt when Iwas out as Alexa. The doctor' question continues to ring through myhead 'Who is Alexa?' Is she really just a persona I adopt when I amdressed up? Is she simply an ideal that I am looking for? Or is Alexawho I am, when I look up at the doctor."I think I'm Alexa," I say with little conviction. I. I went in my apartment and directly to my bed. I lay down and let the emotions run through me. The memory replayed in my mind. I let it play, trying to make sense of it. I slept fitfully that night but, felt better the next morning. “Hi mom,” I answered my phone at ten a.m. “Hi baby,” she said, sounding grateful that I answered. “If your Aunt Gina and I come over, can we talk about this,” she asked in a voice near tears in hopeful desperation. “I'll come to you if you prefer,” I said, feeling it was the proper thing to do. “That would be great,” she said relieved. “See you in a minute?” “Yeah,” I answered. We said goodbye and hung up. I took a moment to clear my head, went downstairs, got in my car and drove to my mom's house. She greeted me on the back steps with a tentative hug. I hugged her back and she ushered me to a chair at the kitchen table where my Aunt Regina and a cup of my favorite tea waited. My mom sat and we spent a moment in awkward.
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