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Don't argue.' look and an emphatic repeat of the 'Pull' signal. I deploy my pilot chute and watch in horror as he goes tumbling off beneath me. I felt something hit my foot and I'm sure it was his head. My chute opens and even though I'm not even sure if I want to live or die, I look up at it, just as Sensei taught me. I see that my slider hasn't descended fully and I hear the 'Thwap!" sound of a parachute opening beneath me. I pump the steering lines to bring the slider down and then start a hard spiral to begin losing altitude. This swings me way out wide on the suspension lines and I adjust a few times to keep me moving closer to Sensei's parachute. Suddenly, I hear a faint, "Wahhhhh-hooooooo! It's fuckin' great to be alive. Say it, Randi." I'm so choked up with joy that I can't talk and I'm crying and having a hard time seeing through the blurs of my tears. I shout, "Yes!", as loud as I can and hear another, "Wah-hoo!" and then "Are you okay?" Breathing better now, I shout again,. I was a mess the whole time. My savings were gone. The only thing I owned outright was my car. I had a mountain of debt to pay off. I got sick; supposedly it was a winter cold, but I know it was partly due to the stress. And despite my best efforts, there were no new job offers.But that wasn't the worst part.Each night, I sat in my room, Kevin's number on the screen of my cell phone. All I had to do was hit "send". Only I never did.What would I say? How could I approach him without seeming like I was only after him because of his money? How could I be sure I was attracted to him because of who he was, not for the things he had or what he could do for me? How could I be sure he wouldn't break my heart again?Valentine's Day came and went. I half-expected to receive a card or gift, but none came. I didn't blame Kevin; I had been ignoring him for a month. What right did I have to expect anything from him?I made a vow that I would only call when I had a job. But oh, how I wanted to hear.
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