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“I know this nice restaurant in Blaine. They have a very nice dinner. They also have a very nice breakfast.”“Peter!”“Honey, you needed to get away for a bit. I love you dearly, but you are driving your family bonkers! Your mother told me to take you somewhere and get you laid!”“What! She did no such thing!” argued Lauren.Peter laughed and shrugged his shoulders. “Okay, she didn’t. She simply told me to take you somewhere and do something, anything, to calm you down. Then she helped me pack a bag with nothing in it but your high heels. I’m sure she thinks we’re going out to the malt shop, honey.”Lauren’s face turned beet red. “You didn’t! What about the kids?”“She and your father are spending the weekend at your house. They’ll be fine. She said she’d tell your dad exactly what you needed.”Lauren groaned loudly and shook her head in disbelief. “So, this is it? I’m wearing the only clothes I’ll have this weekend? Were you planning on room service the entire time?”“That does have a. Apply to seat of learning. Repeat asneccessary."Mom left it with Grandma as a token of her appreciation for the change inmy behavior. Mom was very impressed when I curtseyed and thanked her fortaking the time to correct me, before I went to stand in the corner.Grandma retruned the favor by giving Mom a framed copy of my little girlportrait from Sears. It hangs in Mom's living room over the TV, where itis always seen. I'm told it's a great conversation piece.The paddle hangs on Grandma's living room wall. Explaining it to friendsfrom school has required some fancy footwork on occasion, and I know thatI'm not fooling anybody. I always get a knowing smirk from whomever I'mtrying to snow. The embarrassment is awful. It's bad enough to be spankedlike a child. It's a hundred times worse to have anyone who visits put twoand two together!If anyone asks point-blank, my grandmother confirms that I go bare-bottomed over her knee when she deems necessary. My face never fails toturn as red as my.
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