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Better if I could get a lift, but theblack-haired girl was still asleep, and I wanted to be moving. Turningtowards the door, I let the curtain drop. Then froze.From the corner of my eye, I saw a man step out onto the balcony directlyacross the street, newspaper and coffee in hand, all set to settle down.Oh God, I thought. Oh God. There was no way he would not see me once Ileft her place, and no way I'd not look exactly what I was, a man withgirlish clothes he had no right to wear. I padded round the apartment onemore time, one more, one more, but still no luck; there had been noboyfriends here to leave a shirt, a pair of pants. If I wasn't to be stuckhalfway between, I'd have to try again what I had tried the night before.The longer that I waited, the more eyes I'd have to try to fool.And yet, the idea of trying, one more time -- just one more, just to seeif I could really ...No one ever really has to do the thing that cleaves you open, leaves youshaking, changed, trembling on your. Is that what you want? That isn't why I think you're acting this way. I think you're afraid, worried that we'll have our time together, and it won't be as good as you've been hoping it would be. You're giving yourself an excuse for that disappointment already. You'd rather keep your hopes intact, in case we have a problem, than take a chance of trying your best to see that we do have as good a time as you were hoping for. I think you do that whenever there's any chance that we'll be together, like this weekend. It's been four years, Shirley. We can't keep making up these artificial problems to postpone finding out for ourselves if we can still be together. I want you to try to relax about this. It really is going to be fine. We'll get through this together. We'll show each other that we can be good together again. After we do that, we'll talk about what each of us needs to do to make our future together as good as our past was, before I got sick. I'm no longer sick, and its time we.
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