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Emily with a tear in her eye whispered its fixed... then looked away from me..I shivered but not from the cold.. The words EM had whispered "ITS FIXED" resonated in my mind, her lack of eye contact and just body language send shivered through my body I stared at her my mouth open stuck for the right words.. She just stood up and walked out , not a backward glance no I love you nothing.. I broke down sobbing..until the nurse came in to help me with a bed pan.. not even allowed to go to the fucking toilet on my own .. i shook with shame as i emptied my bladder in the pan with the nurse watching . Back in jail now in solitary and on suicide watch in case i do anything silly.. still just a smock to cover my bare body.. apparently clothes can be used to do silly things the guards have told me.. lost and frightened no word from the one i loved. .. Finally I am summoned to resume my visits with the shrink ,I nervously sit in the office waiting to see if my loving EM is still assigned to. "That's just it," I replied, searching for the right words. "It is sodaring, wicked, depraved, and... well, scary. As I said, I couldn't getyou out of my mind all week. Since last night, I have been on anincredible, non-stop thrill ride. All this emotion, yet I hardly knowanything about you. I feel like I want to... inhale everything Ipossibly can, to learn what makes you, you. I mean... who were you,before all this?"I instantly regretted my words. Her eyes flashed in anger."What difference does that make?" she hissed. "I am not that personanymore. I never really was. I have spent my entire life wishing,dreaming, scheming, then busting my butt to become who you see beforeyou. This is who I am, who I have always been in my heart. If there isanything you don't like about me, Sugar, get out now. I have done allthe changing I am going to do."It was time to do industrial-strength damage control. I surreptitiouslyreached under the tablecloth, up her skirt, found her engorged clitinside the.
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