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“You’re not a grandma,” I said, half surprised and half acting.“I am,” she said proudly.“Well grandmas didn’t look like you when I was a kid,” I said admiringly. She didn’t respond but I could see it was well received.“You can fill in another form,” she said, sliding it across the desk and rummaging for a pen. “I’ll try to push it through quicker for you.”As I filled in the form I muttered, “I still can’t believe you’re a grandma,” but didn’t look up. I just thought I’d leave that extra little verbal caress with her.Miracle of miracles, three days later the workmen turned up and installed the service.The next weekend I was in CostPro (all the supermarkets had “clever” names) when I saw the telecoms woman feeling avocados. Off duty, she was wearing a tight Bob Marley t-shirt and body-hugging jeans. I went over and joined her.“Any good?” I asked.“Like rocks,” she said, shaking her head. “Mr Logan, right?”I was absurdly flattered that she remembered my name.“Will,” I said. “I didn’t get. . I'll doanything. Whatever you want. Just change me back. Please?" "Look, Tiffany... Terrence, this isn't like returning a toaster. Iexplained to you clearly what this would involve. You said it was whatyou wanted." "I know," replied Tiffany. "At the start it WAS what I wanted. It waswonderful to finally be a woman, to be so feminine and sexy. But then,I had to deal with all the day-to-day stuff, like my nails." "What's wrong with them? They stay long and red, like you wanted. Younever have to polish them. They can't break, either." "That's just it," said Tiffany. "They're too strong to cut or to file.I can't shorten them. They look great, but it's so hard doing thingswith long fingernails. It takes forever to put on pantyhose. One slipand I've got a run from my hip to my ankle. And my breasts are toolarge." "You wanted them that size," the clerk reminded Tiffany. "I know, I know. But they are so heavy and they are always in the way. There are so many things about being a.
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