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No more wishing for his hands to roam eagerly over every inch of me. No more fantasizing of pianos and a home filled with love, safety, warmth, and family. All of these are merely dreams that can never be and if I hold onto them then I will never know peace. We will never be together and I know that, with every bit of my being, I know it but God, how do you let it all go? Something so strong and sure? How do you implore your heart of hearts to see reason and allow yourself to heal? How do you tell it to speak with your head and actually listen? To understand that this pain, this appalling heartache, could and will happen again if I continue to do this to myself. I know my dream is a warning of what will, undoubtedly, come to pass for me and that it is yet another attempt at my head trying to bombard me with rationalism. This fact is what holds me back and what keeps that impossible dream lingering. I understand that it is only my mind rehashing the trauma and fear in order to. ” I laughed with her and gave her a kiss. Just as she started to respond, she stopped herself.“Stop that. We really need to talk. I want you to know that I really do like you, and this isn’t about you, it’s about me.”Uh-oh.She saw the change in my face and took a deep breath. “I’m not going to be back in school after Thanksgiving. I don’t want you to think it’s about you.”“Where are you going? Are you moving?”She shook her head, bit her lip, and then dropped her head against my shoulder. I felt a shudder pass through her, almost a sob.“I’m going to be in Bloomington, in the hospital,” she managed to get out before I felt the tears drip on me.I was at a loss. I stroked her back and hair and waited for her to calm down. “It’s alright, Wendy. It will be alright,” I kept repeating.Eventually, she regained her composure. “I wanted to tell you tonight, since I have to start talking to teachers on Monday. I wanted you to hear it from me instead of your mother. It’s the reason I can’t let you.
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