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Begrudged heart separated from how it all began. I slowly came to the realization that it was out of my hands. “I do love you.” I reiterated my stance. To be shunned and castrated from your life-love demanded more than just soft words and idle threats. Yet I still cling to inane attempts at saving face or dreams “I love you,”- how foolish that must sound to the strong and the bold. “I love you,”- yes goddamn you, I wish I had never spoken those words. I found myself smiling with embarrassment and humiliation. Yet I still dream- even now- there are no escapes from my prison. I am forced to move forward and never, ever look back. For my passions are not lighthearted in nature, neither are they lacking in enthusiasm. And for those of you that dismiss my endeavors with not so much as an acknowledgement, I say to you, we are of one body and one soul bounded throughout eternity. I still grow tired reasoning- for we are what we are, nothing less and certainly nothing more. We the pathetic,. Newman, I would love to. What music are we dancing to?”“How about “Moon River?” I offered.“Oh Charles. If I were only twelve years old again.” She responded putting down her knitting.I started humming the song, while starting the song and dropping it back in my shirt pocket and we danced.I am almost as tall as her, but I am able to hold her and see her pretty face as we danced together.The song continued on. Mom leaned her head on my chest until it was over. When it ended, we bowed and curtsied to each other, and I said, “I can’t thank you enough for sending me to Cotillion, Mom. I have become more confident. I found something I really enjoy doing, and I may have found the girl I end up with. I love you.”“But soft, what light through yonder window breaks. It is the east and Antoinette is the sun!”She responded, “O Charles, Charles.Wherefore art thou, Charles?Deny thy father and refuse thy name.Or if thou wilt not, be but sworn my loveAnd I will no longer be a Moynihan.”Laughing.
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