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She felt like screaming out but knew that wouldn’t stop them. They always liked to bug her never giving her anytime to really think about life. Why were they still lurking about in the dark corners of her mind? Why had they not left her? It was them that had convinced her at the beginning of the week that the only way out was through death. Her thoughts wandered back to the knife sitting in her bottom desk drawer. No one knew about it and that’s the way she wanted to keep it. She rubbed her arm while thinking about the pain she had inflicted upon herself. It wasn’t the first time and it wasn’t the last. Suddenly the loud clapping of everyone around her disturbed her thoughts. The movie had started, had it been that long already. Forcing herself to pay attention to the movie she found herself relating things in it to her life. Near death, lose of love, pain, anger, any little thing she could relate to herself. Her mind wandered yet again to the way out. Why did it have to be so hard. I love you as you are, Mom. Your promiscuity and your sentimentality, both. You truly are the Goddess of Love in all of its aspects.“I can never resent you after all that you’ve done for me, Mom. You might not have been to my Chess Club, but you’ve been there for me when it counted so many times. I just never realized it. Yes, having read your memories, sorry about that, but, well ... that time that those bullies suddenly tripped while chasing me. I know now that you tripped them up. Or those cartons of cigs that magically in their backpacks and lockers when Principal Rosenbaum inspected them? Or those times that you kept Dani and me from getting caught, or Heather and me, or Samantha and me, for instance?“Or when you stopped Tracy from catching me jerking off to Penthouse by jamming the key in the lock. Or when I got sick that one time the Sunday night two weeks after graduation and Dani snuck into my room for some reason, even though I dated Heather by that point? That was the last.
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