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Today is the day my father comes to visit me. He doesn’t usually but that doesn’t mean I don’t wait all the same. The door bell rings and I feel the excitement I felt sixteen years ago, innocent anticipation only a little child could have. The younger me bursts through the front door of the tiny apartment shouting an over-joyed greeting to…the paperboy. The child me is crestfallen, and I feel that inside all over again and seeing this scene replayed made me remember why things like this stuck with you through life. Seven years after this, and I’ve moved up north to a new suburban place and school leaving everything I ever knew behind me. I’m walking through my front door after a strange unremarkable first day. I remember thinking that I’d done well of just sinking into my surroundings until my grandmother walks past me and pulls a sign off my back. Another milestone in rejection and disappointment for me. Same father, eleven years later and I’m not getting out of bed for something. I’m not worried about mistress, bride, lover, ‘mi amante’ or, even, ‘I love you.’ Those you’ll use only in private.’ ‘I know! That thought crossed my mind several times and I’m going to have to be very careful. I hadn’t realized how automatically I was calling him ‘dear’ until I watched the recording. I think that the office surroundings will help, but I’d better warn him to be careful. There is one other point that disturbs me a bit. You told meway back at the beginning of this that you weren’t concerned about me becoming too enamored with Frank and causing any problems between us. However, you also said that Frank was the one in danger of….well, caring too much for me. You didn’t say ‘falling in love with me,’ but that, I think, is what you meant. Anyhow, Saturday night, Frank said several things that made me wonder and I tried to cool things off a bit. I don’t want him to get hurt.’ ‘Honey, there’s nothing you can do stop that unless you want to end this. Otherwise, all you can do.
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