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He explained that as my teacher it was his job, not job but duty to teach me and it angered and upset him to think that anything I was going to learn, anything at all, had to be taught in the correct manner. There were things that could hamper my learning if not taught correctly, and even spoil my innocence.“Let me be your teacher, Penny, let me show you what that man, whoever he is, would have shown you. I care for you Penny and yes I am envious of what he’s seen. I watch you daily sit under that tree with your eyes closed daydreaming. Only now I know what you’re dreaming about. I suspected it, but wasn’t sure. Penny.. do you understand?”I think I did. He wanted to teach me how to become a woman, what I suspect I’d have learned from a continued email relationship with that man. He did want me. My head mixed with thoughts, whizzing around making me dizzy. But I didn’t know what to do, he’d laugh at my incompetence. Or maybe not, he wanted to teach me, right? If I knew everything then. I sent off a few chatty emails to let Jeff know what I was doing, but he didn't reply to any of them.It was one thing to have the opportunity to find myself in his absence; quite another to have to go cold turkey.I wasn't becoming concerned, I was becoming unhappy.Why didn't he contact me, if only to say hello? Had being with me constantly been so difficult that he needed a vacation? Had he realized I needed time to figure some things out and decided to give me the necessary space?Quite unexpectedly, I received a letter on our fifth day there. There was no return address and my name and address were hand-written. I opened it to find a hand-written letter, readable, but with decidedly inferior penmanship.My Dearest Miss Fine,You have only just departed, and yet I find myself overtaken by melancholy at your absence. You well know of my great esteem for you and it is my fondest wish that my discomfort at your absence cause you no distress. The delectation of your companionship these many.
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