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Luckily enough the impact wasn’t sufficient to set off the air bags. Neither myself, nor my 18 year old daughter Zoë were injured, thank God. But here we were in the middle of the Adirondack mountains, attempting to escape Roger, my abusive drunken husband, our car firmly stuck off of a back road in the middle of a blinding snowstorm. ‘You OK?’ I asked as I unbuckled my seat belt. ‘Oh, yeah!’ she answered, clearing the sleep from her head as she shook it. ‘What happened?’ ‘Bambi tried to thumb a ride!’ I said, angry at the mess I’d gotten both of us into. ‘I think I saw a driveway a short distance back. Maybe we can get some help?’ ‘What about your cell phone mom?’ she asked, staring out of the window at the unending whiteness of the landscape. ‘No service out here!’ I said, flipping it open and closed. ‘Lets walk! I think it’s our best bet.’ I was right! About a hundred yards down the road was an old stone gate. I could barely make out the house atop the hill, but a house there was.. I didn't figure that Joyce would go for it,hell she had only three sex partners before she married me. So I hid themagazine away and forgot all about it until two weeks later when shediscovered it while cleaning. "What is this?" She said holding the magazine out at arm's length as ifit were a dead animal and using her stare to compliment her vocal tone. "Oh I was just interested in the article on new latex fashions for thefall. Boy, they have sure come a long way since the days of Batgirl." Iknew she could tell I was lying. "Oh so that was it. I thought it was the reader's poll on the top 100things to insert up your ass. Well I am so glad that penis is still ratednumber one, and that vibrator is still in the top ten. Too bad gerbildropped down to number twenty-three. Must be all of that fall out from thatRichard Gere thing. Carrot is only at number fifty-three, I thought itwould have been higher, at least higher than Popsicle. And look at this,beany babies made the list.
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