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I let our legs intertwine and rested my head on one of his huge biceps. Although I was better at lifting weights, he was naturally big-boned and his arms seemed bigger when not flexed.We lay there quietly, getting a smell of each other, getting used to the deep rhythm of our breaths and the intimate touch of our bodies. I wasn’t feeling that horny then, so there wasn’t any bulge-contact. “So,” I began, “How do you know you like guys?”“I discovered it,” he said simply, “I’ve always liked girls, but I started feeling a weird attraction to my best guy friends as well. Once, I was having a sleepover just like this…”I chuckled at that point, “Tell me, was this Mike?”“How do you know?!” he asked incredulously.“I think everyone in the year knows that you used to have something going on with Mike. No straight guy would pretend to dry hump his best friend and no straight guy would let his best friend pretend to dry hump him unless they’re both drunk. And you did this during lunch break two. The essence is not to know what might happen next, or when — or if anything might happen at all. But most of all: it is discovering that nothing you might want or wish is of any importance; maybe, you realize at last, maybe you're better off not wanting anything at all. Perhaps you discover that the reward is in the waiting — if there is reward at all.It is by waiting that the true goals of discipline are reached. It is at deserted crossroads that the mind is shaped and molded. Short-lived corrections may be achieved with physical punishment, but true changes are made by pointless waiting. It is after hours of lonely dangling inside the pitch darkness of a blindfold that a girl realizes how irrelevant her needs are. She is nothing, she discovers; she is nobody until her Mistress decides what's left for her, if anything at all. It is also after hours of cruel loneliness that a girl finds out if she is a true slave at all — or just a fashionable wannabe.Alicia waited — and learned. She.
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