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What gets them ticked. Philosophers for centuries tried to get inside a woman’s mind, only to find themselves maddened at the prospect. All that philosophy and what we got to show for it? Nada, zip, zilch. Only wonderful sayings like, ‘Hell hath no fury like that of a woman scorned.’ ‘I’ve got PMS and I’m not afraid to use it.’ And ‘Life’s a bitch, then you marry one.’ Heh, soon to be followed by another popular bumper sticker, ‘Shit happens.’ * * * * * The Teenager’s Monologue, by Trey Smith. (Stands from chair, lights up. Man speaking is a 19 yr old male. Moderate build, brown hair, hasn’t shaved in several days. He is dressed in a ‘wife beater’ with an unbuttoned button up shirt on over it, and slacks. He is holding a paper disposable Starbucks coffee cup, and is wearing glasses. He begins pacing.) The thing I don’t get is for all of people’s heralding her as the more logical, compassionate, and reasonable version of Adam, Eve’s sure got problems. You see, (Sips the coffee) my. Their first stop was the front desk, where they left their room keys with the cute boy at the register. (No one had anyplace to carry a key.) The plan was to lay out on the sand and put away a cup of beer (one cup each, no more until dinner). That plan changed when they got to the lobby, which opened onto the main Panama City strip. Somehow the place was even louder and rowdier than when the girls first arrived, and the point of it all was simple and irrefutable—to create a sea of flesh. Young, glistening bodies bounced against each other like atoms in a reactor. Girls giggled and screamed, boys grunted and barked, and everyone was touching everyone. Robin couldn’t help feeling a little scared. She never considered herself claustrophobic, but if someone were to fall in this wave of humanity, they’d be instantly snuffed out. She allowed the other girls to pull her into the wave, afraid to wuss out. After all, if this wasn’t what she’d come down here to do, then why had she come? All.
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