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In my world, weakness was the only sin and an unforgiveable treason at that; meaning that the mental defences I had built for myself would come crashing down and my entire life would be altered. And yet, here I was: stealing glances at this girl like a sparrow would nibble feed from a basket. Half giddy with the visceral thrill of what I was doing, flushed with the sheer shame of it as well, I was a complete mess. For the first time in my life, there was options and choices, a sobering prospect. With her shoulder length brown hair, always so glossy and luxurious; the generous and inviting mouth which gently promised such forbidden, carnal pleasures. Oftentimes I would find myself daydreaming during a lecture, wondering what it would feel like to press my lips against hers. I imagined the soft texture of her lips, with a gentle, darting kiss which would blossom into a deeper, hungrier embrace. Her hands would reach around my neck and pull me in closer; taking solace from me and. "Well, don't you want to know?"I was sure she was teasing. She wasn't.She leaned forward, suspended over me on her outstretched arms. Her eyes locked on mine as though she was sifting through my thoughts. She wasn't just waiting; she was studying me. I wondered if it was to predict what I might say or whether she was deciding what secrets to reveal. How could she have healed so quickly? Was our marriage really as fragile as I still feared?"I already asked you that," I told her. "I mean, whether you really fucked him."She pressed her hips into me and held them there. I pushed against her instinctively, thrusting upward just once, testing, unsure of what she wanted. More silence, frozen there together, straining against each other, crotch to crotch."Have you thought about it? Imagined what it might have been like? I mean, if you could have watched us there, in the room?" I can't stop thinking about it," I admitted, "after all the things he said and how you told me yourself he 'owned.
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